or maybe TFC: Totally Effin’ Clueless. So, I’m reading the TSA’s response to the recent XKCD, and it managed to do something surprising: lower my estimation of the TSA.
See, I used to think the TSA was a bunch of humorless bureaucrats who were doing the whole security-theater drill as a huge CYA. Classic “Yes Minister” logic: 1. we must do something, 2. this is something, 3. there for, we must do this. To really combat terrorism would require all sorts of fundamental changes to the way we do things (not bombing Muslim countries every time they do something we don’t like would be a good start- of course, the problem with that is that for some reason God put our oil under their sand). So instead they take away our water bottles. At least that won’t upset the rich (who fly private jets and thus don’t have to deal with the TSA).
But I’m beginning to suspect that the people who run the TSA actually believe the pile of bovine fertilizer they’re pushing. So they only allow laptop batteries through if they come with laptops- so our security rests on the fact that the terrorists are willing to sacrifice their lives, but not their laptops? Really?
A large part of my job- and the job of every programmer/admin- is to make things work despite bugs, limitations, restrictions, what ever. Figure out the work-around is the order of the day. Of course, once you get good at it, it’s hard to leave the skill at work. For example, here is a fairly simple and easy way for a terrorist to sneak large amounts (multiple pounds or gallons) of a liquid explosive onto a plane following the current TSA rules (I’ve encrypted it for security reasons- any terrorist smart enough to break this encryption is smart enough to have thought of this themselves):
V svaq bar vqvbg^u^u^u^u^ugehr-oryvrire jvyyvat gb qvr sbe gur pnhfr, pnyy uvz Lbhfrs va n pnfr bs onq fgrerbglcvat, naq a pbzcngevbgf jvyyvat gb uryc uvz (ohg jub qba’g arrq gb qvr, be rira eha n uvtu evfx bs orvat pnhtug). V obbx rirelbar (hfvat fhvgnoyr genpx-pbirevat fgengrtvrf) ba syvtugf bhg bs WSX be fbzr bgure rdhnyyl ohfl nvecbeg, nyy yrnivat jvguva na ubhe be gjb orsber Lbhfrs’f qbbzrq syvtug. Rirelbar pneevrf guebhtu n fvatyr 3-bhapr funzcbb obggyr gung’f orra rzcgvrq naq ersvyyrq jvgu yvdhvq rkcybfvirf. Bapr cnfg frphevgl, gurl znxr oehfu cnffrf jvgu Lbhfrs tvivat uvz nyy a obggyrf bs yvdhvq rkcybfvir cyhf gur bar Lbhfrs oebhtug jvgu uvz, juvpu Lbhfrs gura pneevrf baobneq uvf cynar. Rirelbar ryfr gura obneqf gurve frcrengr syvtugf tbvat ryfrjurer, naq qvfnccrne vagb gur jbbqjbex. Obbz tbrf cynar.
(For those who crack the encryption: keep it to yourselves)
Seriously, that isn’t even clever. That’s the truest measure of how stupid this all is: it doesn’t even take an above-average IQ to break this security.
see more Epic Fails
Of course, those of us who raise these questions are considered the real security risk. This is the joke the TSA missed- that the XKCD geek not only isn’t going to get his water back, he’s now also not going to get his laptop back- but he’ll get his cloths back after the strip search. It’s not the terrorist these rules catch, but rather it’s the questioners, the explorers, thinkers, inventors, people who work around the problem as a day job. After all, at the end of the day no terrorist has ever managed to force a political change, anywhere, ever- terrorists aren’t a threat to the established political order. Programmers and techies have a disturbing history of inventing things which cause all sorts of political upheaval. They’re the ones you really need to watch out for.
And maybe that’s the saddest joke of all.
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