This is heartwarming.

My current contract is getting really insane, and I’d like to bail. The company has gone out-and-out suicidal: stupidity can no longer be an excuse for how completely messed this behavior is, so it must be malice. Unfortunately, I haven’t really heard back from any of the places I’ve gone fishing. The one strong possibility (which would have been a good match for my skills and their needs) is on the verge of falling through: today’s the last day that I should expect to hear something from them. Meanwhile, I haven’t heard from a variety of computer-consultant-pimps who had needs that I was “perfect” for — but, I’m coming to learn that life as a computer consultant means being told over and over again that you’re perfect, and then being shunted to the back burner in favor of better candidates. Whatever. I also suspect that I’ve officially hit the upper bound for my position if I keep working through normal channels — I’ve got a proven capability at a position above my years of experience, and business just doesn’t deal with that well. So I think I am going to need to

With my wedding coming up in less than a month, my life has gone completely insane and I’ve had to push back some of the things I wanted to get accomplished. On the other hand, things are going pretty well for the wedding, and the honeymoon is going to be a lot of fun. When I get back, I really need to focus on getting some of those projects out of the gate…I’ve been struggling with making the time for them for so long that it’s really getting frustrating. Unfortunately, I need the cash flow right now and I don’t have other resources lined up to replace it.

I really miss getting out of the day-to-day drudge and having a chance to think big thoughts and get back into society. I need to get out of my current gig and into one that matters — I realize that it’s going to take a while to get my ducks in a row and get there, but I’m just not the kind of person who can thrive in a “business du jour” setting. Some people see that as keeping busy and making a buck, but it just feels like circling the drain to me. I need to really be doing something that feels like progress, or at least that addresses issues bigger than a codefix or an accounting curiosity. A lot of people out there just don’t get it, but the fact that I’m making good money isn’t really satisfying to me. The fact that I’ve got a professional job where I work on a team and (some of) my team members actually appreciate my existance is a nice touch, but it’s not enough to really motivate me. I want to be able to point to a way in which I’ve genuinely improved my social environment, and the bigger the improvement, the better. The work I’m doing right now only changes the environment of my project, and that’s just not big enough to be worth much to me…particularly since the management here is going to completely destroy all the progress made by my hard work as soon as I bail. Screw that: it basically means that the last year has been a wash, and it’s part of the reason I need to bail. I need to be someone who does something, and I need to see it matter.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Trackback URI | Comments RSS