Aug 28 2005
Loss and Gain
This last week has been extremely difficult for me. On the one hand, I began to expand my education into Masonry through the Scottish Rite, and that was an extremely rewarding situation. Wholly unbeknownst to me, other horrible things were happening while I was having that experience: my mother’s uncle was dying and my grandfather was going into the hospital to die. My other grandfather passed away just this summer, which is something I’m just now recovering from. It’s all very bittersweet, and I still don’t know what to make of it all — at the same time I am being introduced to the traditions of Masonry, the standard bearers for my family’s traditions are passing away.
My Uncle Orv was someone I had been meaning to talk to for a long time: it came to my knowledge a few years back that he was a scientist involved in the Manhattan Project working on waste disposal, which would have been fascinating to hear about, even if I could only hear the unclassified things. When I was in ROTC, I was really excited to get security clearance, and I thought about heading out to talk to Orv in quite tones about classified and amazing things. Until I heard of his death, I never really regretted not having that opportunity — it never really set into me that it wasn’t going to happen. Now I realize that I’ve lost that amazing opportunity, and it hurts.
My grandfather, on the other hand, I did talk to often. I have an incredible amount of respect for him and for the way he approached life. He and I were very close, and a lot of who I am as a person can be traced back to me trying to emulate my grandfather. It’s hard to explain exactly why it is that I am so impressed by my grandfather, and it’d be even more impossible to explain what he meant to me — that’s why, despite my brother’s offer, I have no interest in actually giving a personal memorial at my grandfather’s funeral. I will simply be a pall bearer and reading the 23rd Psalm: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” (cite). I don’t know how else to deal with the loss of my grandfather, or even how to recognize it: it’s bizarre and incredible for me to think that this man, who I admire so much, has just passed away.
But the inevitable and slow loss of these staples of my family has really given me an increased respect for tradition, and for the societal role of organizations like churches and the Freemasons. They provide a way to partake in traditions that are much more durable than a family, and a way to maintain those traditions moving down the generations — sure, I’ve known that intellectually since 9th grade Civics, but the value in an organization like that is something I am just now coming to realize. It’s funny that I’ve been so active in Theta Chi, the church, and the Freemasons, and so attracted to those kinds of organizations, but the value of their most powerful aspect is something that has eluded me for so long. It’s amazing how stupid we can be deep down.
Popularity: 2% [?]
It has nothing to do with stupidity…well, not with you anyway. While things can be known in ones mind, logically, wisdom cannot be taught.
There is a difference between knowing and knowing…the former logically makes sense and is learned from verbal comunication…the latter is felt through out yourself and cannot be related verbally even by the most talented orator.
It is good that you have a family worthy of giving you these realizations, this wisdom. But just remember that while there can be enormous value in tradition laden organizations when one has the intelligence, moral values and guidance you have..they can also be very destructive…expecially when the organization itself does not *truely* have intelligence, guidance and moral values from the vast majority of it’s members. I know you’ve experienced both groups already, so please remember that wisdom is keeping the awareness of both possibilities in your mind while moving on from here. When one stops remembering and being aware and thinking about why they’re doing what they’re doing…one becomes a gorilla.
You’re right — it’s very important for traditional organizations to have the intelligence, moral values, and guidance to understand what the traditions are and why they are kept. This is one of the big points of Presbyterianism, which is the major draw from me, and the Masons do a very good job of that kind of stuff, too, particularly through the appendent bodies like the Scottish Rite.