This last week has been extremely difficult for me. On the one hand, I began to expand my education into Masonry through the Scottish Rite, and that was an extremely rewarding situation. Wholly unbeknownst to me, other horrible things were happening while I was having that experience: my mother’s uncle was dying and my grandfather was going into the hospital to die. My other grandfather passed away just this summer, which is something I’m just now recovering from. It’s all very bittersweet, and I still don’t know what to make of it all — at the same time I am being introduced to the traditions of Masonry, the standard bearers for my family’s traditions are passing away.

My Uncle Orv was someone I had been meaning to talk to for a long time: it came to my knowledge a few years back that he was a scientist involved in the Manhattan Project working on waste disposal, which would have been fascinating to hear about, even if I could only hear the unclassified things. When I was in ROTC, I was really excited to get security clearance, and I thought about heading out to talk to Orv in quite tones about classified and amazing things. Until I heard of his death, I never really regretted not having that opportunity — it never really set into me that it wasn’t going to happen. Now I realize that I’ve lost that amazing opportunity, and it hurts.

My grandfather, on the other hand, I did talk to often. I have an incredible amount of respect for him and for the way he approached life. He and I were very close, and a lot of who I am as a person can be traced back to me trying to emulate my grandfather. It’s hard to explain exactly why it is that I am so impressed by my grandfather, and it’d be even more impossible to explain what he meant to me — that’s why, despite my brother’s offer, I have no interest in actually giving a personal memorial at my grandfather’s funeral. I will simply be a pall bearer and reading the 23rd Psalm: “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” (cite). I don’t know how else to deal with the loss of my grandfather, or even how to recognize it: it’s bizarre and incredible for me to think that this man, who I admire so much, has just passed away.

But the inevitable and slow loss of these staples of my family has really given me an increased respect for tradition, and for the societal role of organizations like churches and the Freemasons. They provide a way to partake in traditions that are much more durable than a family, and a way to maintain those traditions moving down the generations — sure, I’ve known that intellectually since 9th grade Civics, but the value in an organization like that is something I am just now coming to realize. It’s funny that I’ve been so active in Theta Chi, the church, and the Freemasons, and so attracted to those kinds of organizations, but the value of their most powerful aspect is something that has eluded me for so long. It’s amazing how stupid we can be deep down.

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I had forgotten how good the band “Pig” is. The “Sinsation” album has got to be one of the best industrial albums ever produced. It’s not quite “The Downward Spiral”, but it’s close.

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Anyone interested in playing a Diplomacy game in person sometime soon should drop me an email.

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If you haven’t seen this movie, do so. As a tip, just turn off the movie after the second time Jim Carrey is brainstorming with the producers — you’ll know what that means when you see it. The movie really proves my belief that Jim Carrey is going to really hit the bigtime for movies, and movies will be better for it. Beyond that, it’s a nice reminder and critique of McCarthyism, and a reminder of the importance of freedom and how our freedoms validate our military (and vice versa). Besides which, it’s always nice to see a movie tipping its hat to the origin of the phrase “Klaatu barada nikto” (cite) and other Cold War commentary flicks.

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For some reason, I don’t seem to be able to comment. Annoying — I’ll have to gripe at my hosts.

In any case, Von Berger:

I’m working for United Health Group. Good company in general, and I’m looking forward to working with them.

Interesting that you work for a large property/casualty company: I’m getting into some property investments myself. Nothing terribly exciting so far, but maybe that will change down the line.

I hope to see you down at the Scottish Rite sometime. Dave E. and Roger W. are both from my lodge, and they are the people who brought me into the Scottish Rite: I’m really looking forward to getting more involved.

Do you have a blog floating around?

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